The Only Constant is Change

To every thing there is a season.


Life throws a lot of curve balls. Sometimes you duck and they miss you entirely. Sometimes you forget to duck and it hits you in the face. The memory of forgetting to duck stays with you always.

The only constant is change.

Support for the Slow Runner

Thank you a thousand times over

I cannot believe the support I had with yesterday’s post, Where Slow Runners Are Made Fun of. Not only did my running community rally around me, but they helped me get the message out. Thank you to my fellow Ambassadors at FitFluential and Sweat Pink and to everyone who passed along my message. I even read this from Mark at The Active Pursuit:

Honor the slow: Reading this blog post, “Where Slow Runners Are Made Fun Of,” made me feel ashamed of my own attitude toward slower runners who set off at a walking pace at the start of races. They probably should line up further back at the start, but Amanda reminds me that I shouldn’t judge. “I think people need to take a step back and realize that not everyone was built with thighs that don’t touch, rock hard butts and 6 pack abs. Some of us struggle so much with food and body image every day that even getting out and running while our body jiggles is such an amazing accomplishment. For some of us, only having 1 cookie instead of 7 is a huge accomplishment. We all have different goals and different directions in life. For some, it is to walk/run races. For some, I guess it is to poke fun at those who cannot do what they do.”

Reading this was so touching to me. If I helped just one person understand that slow runners are people, too, then I have done my job. All of the support really touched my heart and reaffirmed my love of the running community.


This article came across my Pinterest feed yesterday and even though there is a lot of basic information in there, it reminded me of a few things, but these things may not be common knowledge. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance in the brain. You are born with it and you deal with it. It is how you deal with it that is the important part. I didn’t do anything, neither did my parents, to ‘give’ me bipolar disorder. I have no way to make it go away but I can maintain it to be a better person. The article states:

“The most important fact to know about exercise and bipolar disorder is that regular exercise can change brain chemicals. This means that there is a direct correlation between how much exercise you get and how many mood swings you have.”

Ah, this is just another reminder that I need to get off my butt and exercise, because I can use all the help I can get when it comes to my mood. I am also helping myself along with medication, but that extra push through exercise could really help me I think.


Jeff and I joined our local YMCA this week. Neither of us have been there since, but with a busy birthday week we have not had the time to. I am looking into signing up for a few classes each week, to get myself moving again. I am also going to buy some goggles so I can get back to swimming. I used to be on the swim team (20 years ago) and I think it would be fun to get back at it. Plus, swimming is such a different activity than what I have done lately, it will be a great change of pace!

Has anything touched you recently?
Do you belong to a gym?


Where Slow Runners Are Made Fun of.

So, I ran in the Soaring Eagle Boy Scout Half Marathon a little over a week ago. I am still having some knee pain from that race. Obviously it is because I wasn’t well trained and because I limped for 9 miles. I have been playing Dr. Google lately and I think that I have runner’s knee. And the only thing I can do to help it along is wait. I guess time does heal all wounds, including runner’s knee.

I am taking it easy now, but I am itching to sign up for the 46.5th Annual Churchill’s Half Marathon in November. The course will be absolutely gorgeous in the beginning of November with the fall colors on full display, I really don’t want to miss this race. But, I need to rest my knee. But, I need to train. Ah…I guess I wait out the injury I caused and see if there is time to train.

As long as I am on the topic of running, I seriously had my slow running feelings hurt at my half a week ago. Those of you who read often know I have asthma, a moderate heart condition and I’ve had 5 knee surgeries. I am obviously not meant for running, my body is built for couching.  Due to my under-training for the race, the humidity and my ailments, I walked about 1/4 of the first mile. As I was speed-walking along I heard a group running up behind me bashing those who were walking already.

These runners didn’t know anything about me and they also thought that I was jamming to my music and wouldn’t hear them. They made comments like:

“People shouldn’t run this distance if they can’t even make it a mile.”
“She’s not even walking very fast.”
“Why enter a race you can’t run.”

These kinds of comments still really make me angry. I have never claimed to be a fast runner. I have never claimed to be anything besides a slow runner. I am proud of being slow. Why? Because I could just be couching it instead of slowly running. Isn’t running slowly better than not running (or exercising) at all? Why would you poke fun at the people who don’t run as well as you do? Just because I have trouble running a full mile doesn’t mean I can’t make it all 13.1 of this race. Hell, I even ran a marathon last year (slowly)!

I think people need to take a step back and realize that not everyone was built with thighs that don’t touch, rock hard butts and 6 pack abs. Some of us struggle so much with food and body image every day that even getting out and running while our body jiggles is such an amazing accomplishment. For some of us, only having 1 cookie instead of 7 is a huge accomplishment. We all have different goals and different directions in life. For some, it is to walk/run races. For some, I guess it is to poke fun at those who cannot do what they do.

I hope that the ‘fast’ runners out there realize that just because we don’t run as fast as you doesn’t mean we aren’t trying just as hard.


Doctor’s Orders

Do you follow what your doctor tells you? Say you go to the doctor and they tell you to not run or exercise for a month, do you listen to them? Or do you decide for yourself what you are going to do?
Being raised with a doctor and a nurse as my parents I have a fondness for doctors/nurses and what they know. I am that person that listens to doctors. They went to school for an extra 7 years to be a doctor, so they must know more than I do.

My therapist, not a doctor, but she is a trained professional in her field, gave me a task. Something that I have not done in a long time and something that kinda scares me. She told me to get out more. I am not typically a home body, or haven’t been up until the past year or two. I have had issues with depression and dealing with my ever changing emotions. I am bipolar and I am dealing with it on a daily basis. Anyways, my therapist said to get out more, but I have basically shunned away all of my friends. When I am depressed I tend to push people away so I can be by myself. So I am really not left with a lot of friends. I have 2 or 3 friends that I keep in contact with, but ask me the last time I saw them to hang out or get out?  Couldn’t tell you.

So, I need a friend to hang out with. To grab dinner, drinks, lunch or something with in the next week or two. If anyone would like to take me up on this offer, just let me know. I promise to only be moderately awkward. This is hard for me because a lot of people have been burned by my constant ‘no’ to their invitations. I am just hoping that I hear from someone, anyone.

What is your preferred method to talk to friends?
How often do you try and get out of the house for some non-family time?
What do you like to do when you get out of the house?

Late Sunday Thoughts, How I Really Feel

Ah, where do I start. I have eaten myself into a Little Debbie coma tonight. I’m not proud of it, but it happened. When I am alone I mindlessly eat and I have not eaten with purpose all day. I have eaten everything and anything I wanted. I have let myself eat everything for some time now.  I thought that I could limit myself from binging without counting calories and I failed at that miserably. You would think that my gaining weight would be a huge indicator that eating without counting calories wasn’t working with me.

I have gone through such a weight roller coaster over the past year. I have been as high as 146 pounds, I have been as low as 120 pounds. As of today I weigh 126. Not a horrible weight by any means, not at all. My goal weight range is between 110-115. And if I am lucky enough to join a gym and start weight training, then my goal weight range would be between 115-120. I am incredibly sick of the yo-yo weight every day, every week, every month. I have not weighed myself in over a month because I am so sick of seeing such drastically different numbers.

I lost over 20 pounds over the fall and early winter by eating at my daily calorie goal, and letting myself splurge once or twice each week. I was very mindful of what I was eating and it worked. I am going to get back to that place. I am going to be aware of what I am putting into my body. I am going to make a point to eat as clean as possible. I am going to make this work. I have to make this work.

I am so sick of things jiggling on my body. I am so sick of constantly worrying about if my clothes will fit each day. I am so sick of having to worry about all of this.  I know that it is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life, eating is one of the core pillars for survival in life. I have had periods of minor eating disorders. I have overcome them for the most part, but they are always there. There have been times of struggle, times where I was too embarrassed to even let my own husband near my body. I know that I wrap up almost all of my self-worth in my weight and how I look. I wrap up the rest of my self-worth in what other people, people close to me, think of me. I need to start thinking about my self-worth from a different point of view. I need to be on my own side, no one can make me feel better but me.

For the past 8 years I have not liked how I look. I have hated my weight, I have hated my body, I have hated how I look. I hate that I have let this go on for 8 years. I am sick of hating things about  myself. I won’t even let my best friends or my husband compliment any part of my body. I shrug it off, change the subject and generally negate anything they say.

I need to change and I am the only one who can do it.
I have to focus on myself, for my own well being.
Body confidence.

A Healthy Relationship with Food & Exercise

I read this article by Today Health about how Pinterest may be fueling an unhealthy fitness obsession. The obsession can come in the form of exercise or eating. When you read it you’ll see that the inspiration is coming in two forms: fitspiration and thinspiration. What is the difference?
Fitspiration inspires people to get and stay fit.
Thinspiration looks a lot like fitspiration but encourages protruding bones and excessive behaviors.

On my Monday Motivation posts I like to post pictures of fitspiration. These pictures inspire me (hopefully) to get off of the couch and get sweating. I want to motivate myself to have a better body, better health and a better life. I don’t want a thin, waifish body, I want muscles. I want to be proud of what I have worked for. But so many people today wish to be thin, not fit. Thinspiration encourages people, mostly women, to eat less, exercise for unhealthy lengths of time and to strive for skinny.

Do you know the difference between the two?

Honestly, there are times when I seriously struggle with it. I have wanted to be more fit and thinner for years. I have love handles. I love inner thigh chub. I am not always comfortable wearing a bathing suit. But, I bring it on myself. I had a really healthy breakfast this morning of some steel cut oats with 1/2 a banana mixed in. Then I went ahead and had a huge handful of Swedish fish. I sadly say that my snack canceled out my breakfast in a way.

I have had issues with eating for the past 8 years. I have been a binge eater for as long as I can remember. I eat in order to fill the void. What void?  I am not sure really. I do know that I binge when I am alone more than any other time. When I am alone no one can see how much I eat, or what I eat. I always tell myself that I will stop, that this time was the last time, but that never really works. After 8 years of body hating, you think I would have found out what works for me by now, right?  Wrong in every way. I am still unhappy with my body. I still hate that I can’t get to my goal weight. I still hate that I have to worry about how much I eat.

I want to have a healthy body image and a healthy relationship with food. I want to not have to count calories. I want to be strong and fit. I want to be at my best, not only for myself, but for my family.

This is more my body type than any other picture I have found on the internet. The difference is that she is the “Fittest Woman on Earth” and I am just overweight.
6f983fd72996d962aec4210649ec2e19This is Camille LeBlanc-Bazinet. She is a CrossFit goddess from what I read. While I will never be able to CrossFit, she is the same height as I am and I know that this is similar to what my body looks like when I am fit. I may not be as muscly as she is, but she has a very similar body to mine. Read more about Camille in Oxygen Magazine, and on BSN.

While I know that I will NEVER look like her, I know that I can strive to be a better me. Because what I have been doing the past 8 years sure isn’t working out very well for me.

Do you have any issues with eating?
Do you tend to snack too much and on the wrong things?

Thursday Blurbs

My mind is scattered today and I am having trouble focusing on one thing.  So I’ll share my madness with you.

    • If you are a runner then you will have to go to The Oatmeal and read this delightful look into the life of a runner. If you are not a runner you should read it so you can  make fun of other runners. I particularly like page 5 when the issue of stomach crunches is addressed. 
    • There are times where I get fixated on something and have to do it, buy it, clean it, organize it (you get the gist) right that very minute or my head may explode. My head has not yet exploded because I have never allowed myself to put off these fixations. There are times where a flashing thought in my head boils and stews in my brain for a week then CLICK, I get to the obsessive state where I must take action immediately. I’m not talking about any one thing in particular right now, but this has happened so many times. I know it is a symptom of my illness and not ‘who I am’ so I try to not take myself too seriously when I get too interested in something.
    • Speaking of my illness, many of my readers know that I was diagnosed as Bipolar last year. I have been juggling medications, therapists and family life since then. Yes, there have been issues and yes, there have been some very low points. But I like to think that my family and I are on the road to understanding what I am living with. I picked up this book at the library, along with about 7 other bipolar disorder books, and it really hit home with me. I read it in one sitting and devoured every page. The book is written to help the spouse of a bipolar individual. Not a parent or a friend or the person with the disorder themselves. The spouse. The person who has to deal with bipolar almost more than the person with it, is the spouse. I wanted to see what Jeff was going through (other than him telling me, of course). I wanted to see what we could do together. Read more about this book here. Jeff is reading the book currently and we are discussing each chapter as he goes. Totally helpful.


  •  For the last 3ish years that I have been running I have relied on my Amphipod Hydration Belt to keep me hydrated and fueled.

AmphipodBut…it is a struggle to run with. Not that there is something wrong with the belt itself or anything, it actually rocks and I have enjoyed running with it. I suppose if I wasn’t overweight that I wouldn’t have this issue. Or maybe it is because I am more hourglass shaped. But, I can’t wear the belt around my waist, or around my hips. It doesn’t stay put. When I get to running the belt slips up and then bounces violently around my torso. And this really isn’t the ideal way to run with a hydration belt. So, I end up putting the belt around my natural waist, the smallest part of my torso. The belt basically has no room to move up or down, keeping it in place.
Do you know how high your natural waist is?  Kinda high, when it comes to wear a hydration belt. My arms and hands are constantly hitting the bottles out of their holders.  Like I said, the belt itself rocks my world, but I was thinking that there may be something better.
Enter my new hydration option: CamelBak Mini-M.U.L.E.
CamelbakMINIYes. This is a kids pack. I went to a local sporting goods store and tried on all of their packs that were in my price range. This is the one that I fell in love with. Then I read up on it and found it was a kids pack. I compared it to the adult pack that I was looking at and it was the same length on my torso and this pack has a chest strap and the kids pack was $10 cheaper. HELLO kids pack. Then, being a savvy shopper, I got right on google and ebay and found this same pack for much cheaper online. So I bought it. Hopefully it will be here next week so we can get to know each other over a 9-miler next weekend.

Happy Thursday…do you have a blurb to add?