13 sets of teeth later

Preview night.
Where we dump off all of the crap the school district made us buy so that Carah is ‘ready’ to learn.
The night we meet her 2nd grade teacher.  The one the older kids told her was mean.  That word has nothing to do with this woman.  She doesn’t seem to have a mean bone in her body.  A ‘stern, you 2nd graders should follow the rules and listen’ bone, yes, but not mean.

I made a fabulous dinner and when I called Jeff and the kids to the table I heard ‘but it smells bad…really bad.’  They peaked my interest and I headed into the basement.  Just outside of their blanket/ex-kitchen table fort was a large puff of fur.  It had teeth.  And little feet.

Yup, it was a dead mouse.  A little grayish puff of dead mouse.  Dead, decaying, smelly ass mouse.
I lugged out the vacuum and sucked up the puffy bits of fur and the twiggy bits of bone and teeth.
The cold air return vent had a tuft of fur so I hooked up the attachment so I could get down to business.  I took the hose and went left and right over each crevice of vent.  When I got near the bottom something jumped through the vent when I sucked over it…a leg.  Another pass brought out a tail.  On my last pass over the vent an ear popped out.  When I decided that I would not puke up my dinner I was ready to clean those little fuckers up.

Ah…at this time I knew that the rest of my night involved taking off the cover and fondling dead mice with plastic baggies on my hands.

Behind the cover was a very large family of dead mice.  Dead, smelly mice.  Who appeared to be stuck in the bottom of this cold air return duct for quite a few days.  Well, the last time we were in the basement was when the kids were with us last…over a week ago.  Apparently Jeff and I need to inspect the basement more often for dead vermon.  And what the fucking fuck…where were Mena and Charlie (my cats) through this?  They should have been stalking the basement vent for me alerting me to the presence of these mice.  I seriously think they have been pampered too long…they need to get off their asses and hunt the mice in the house!

After scrubbing the carpet, scouring the vent cover and trying to scrape rat turds off of the wood inside the vent I feel dirty.
Not sexy come and get me dirty but rat poop dirty.  If I didn’t love the clothes I was wearing when I cleaned that rotten feces nest of death I would have just thrown them away.  I feel that disgusting.
How disturbing is it that we didn’t hear over 13 mice in the basement vent?  How many more mice are living in our duct work?  Is it weird that I counted them as I threw them in the garbage bag?

I almost took a picture of this hot mess..but I figured that you all didn’t want to puke up your dinner, or snack or stomach acids.  I hear those stomach acids are pretty important.

We ended up telling the kids that some insulation got wet and started to smell.  End of story for them.  We tell them we had a family of mice decomposing and we’ll have some scared or excited kids.  No.  Wait.  First we’ll have to spend 3 hours explaining to Brady what decomposing is and that is a conversation I would rather have after he kills his first raccoon or squirrel.
I joke, I joke…Honestly, it’ll probably be a yippy dog or feral cat.

I am pretty impressed that I managed to not lose my dinner during this situation.
Insulation issues are such a pain in the ass.


  1. Amanda! That is disgusting lol

    Why in the world did you clean it up and not make Jeff!?!?! No way in hell I’m going near that! You’re more of a woman than me!

  2. Oh. My. God. 13???? Holy crap! I can’t believe you have two cats and that they didn’t run right in and get some of that delicious mouse for themselves!!!

    Can you find out where they got in? We used to get mice in our basement when I was a kid and found out that they were coming through a tiny hole in the cement and once we plugged that up but good they stopped coming in.

    I’m very impressed that you cleaned all that nastiness up yourself. I would have screamed like a schoolgirl and ran – then realized I’d have to man up since there is no man in my house to do it for me!

    • Yes…I cleaned the majority of it. Jeff had to hold the garbage bag and hose off the cold air return grate. I took the dirty job. Ugh.
      I did run to the other side of the basement when I took the cover off the vent and the full field of vision hit me. OMG disgusting!

  3. Ew! Ew! I just got the heebie jeebies. I could NOT have done what you did!!

  4. Yuck!

  5. You need more cats. See me. I’ll hook you up.

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